What I'm Learning About Myself

I'm learning a few things about myself and I'm not sure I like them.

I think I may have a touch of OCD, I think I may be a tad anal and I think there is a small part of me that suffers from ADD.

The OCD has come about with the continuing saga of the book shelves. Mike told me that his design is that the larger books will be on the bottom shelves, regular size books in the middle and paperbacks on the top shelf.

This cannot be.

I have to have my books arranged alphabetically AND in the correct genre. Thus...if there is an oversize book written by Louise Erdrich it must be in the Native American author section after Michael Dorris and before Craig Lesley. It cannot, under any circumstances, be placed randomly on the bottom shelf. I calmly and with great presence explained this to Mike as he showed me his shelf diagram. There are many times that Mike looks at me like I'm crazy, this is the first time that I think he truly believed it.

Why do I think I'm anal? I'm giving Mike lessons on how to stack the dishwasher. Knives must be placed upside down. Plates on the right side, small plates on the left, bowls on the top rack. What happens if Mike does not follow this "rule?" I don't think anything happens except that I wake up at 2 a.m. obsessing over the dishwasher.

Why do I think I'm ADD? Well, for those that know me, that's fairly obvious. I can read an entire book in one sitting, but can't sit through a half hour sitcom (22 minutes counting the commercials). My mind wanders dangerously when Mike and Ian talk to me. I decide I need to rake the yard, go to find the rake and end up moving some rocks I find along the way. I am capable of only brushing half of Bodie before the boredom threatens to kill me. And the more interruptions I have at work, the more I accomplish.

I pity Mike. I pity my children. I pity anyone who works with me and is subject to my yawns of boredom. I pity the person sitting next to me on the couch when I have the remote.

I'm trying to resolve these issues. I'm taking deep breaths when I see my books out of order. I slow my heartbeat when I unload the dishwasher and notice that there is a bowl on the bottom rack. I've decided to hire a groomer for Bodi and a landscaper for the yard. I've decided to check my emails at work only twice during the day AND ignore the little ding that lets me know another email has arrived.

I'm giving myself six months to become a better person. After that, forget it. Everyone around me is just going to have to deal with it.