My Sprititual Journey

I'm trying to become a more spiritually in touch individual. At COCC I am surrounded by people who are (or at least they say they are) and I'm beginning to feel left out. These people have a calm, outward appearance. They arrive at meetings smiling and greeting others with hugs and sympathetic looks. They wear jewelry that is symbolic of something. They go on spiritual journeys to some place that the rest of us can't pronounce and they talk of meeting the Dalai Lamai (although I heard he died...do these people know this or are they talking about meeting him in the netherworld.) They read books by people who also have names the rest of us can't pronounce.

I do yoga. I don't practice Yoga. In fact, I've been doing Yoga for about three years and still don't know what Namaste means. I do Yoga because it helps keep all the aches and pain from old age and bad living,stay away. I don't do it to become more in touch with my body; I wish I could get rid of my body and get a new one. When the final words of my Yoga DVD are "Live today breathing out the negativity" if Mike or Ian are walking by, they laugh out loud.

I told someone at a recent meeting that I DO Yoga. She got all excited and wanted to know what level I was on. I told her I was on Level One from Amazon; it was only 5.99. She sneakily got up and sat by someone else; I don't know how she's so spiritually in-tune, I think she's kind of a snob. I told another lady with black hair that was going grey that I DO Yoga. She got excited too until I told her I only did it so the pain in my shoulder was not quite so bad. She got up too. I think next time I see her I should tell her she needs to dye her hair and that it doesn't look good and the only ones who look good with grey hair are men. Then we'll see how spiritually in touch she is.

This journey is not going well. I'm not a nice enough person to become more forgiving and tolerant. I'm too busy to concentrate on my breathing. I'm too loud to become soft-spoken. I'm too obnoxious to give unknown people hugs and support. I rarely pay attention to what comes out of my mouth. I secretly laugh at those who gush over the latest epiphany they've had.

My friend Betsey (aka Elizabeth) says I'm also a snob. She says I like being around people that I find at my work; I get to talk about ideas and think that I'm saving the world. She's right. But I also know that I like living in Redmond (no matter how many people from Bend tell me I shouldn't say that out loud) because it's a cowboy and ranching town and it's small and when it comes right down to it, I'd much rather hang out with cowboys at a bar than yuppies at a spa

So I'm going to continue to work on my inner self even if all it means is that I don't hope the lady with the bracelet that symbolizes world peace walks in front of a car. .