How Many Ways....

How many ways can two people discuss where a closet door should go?

Many.

And none of them end up well.

People that know Mike believe that he is this rational, level-headed person who enjoys the simple things in life...it's not true. Once Mike gets a pencil, ruler and graph paper in front of him he turns into the Dr. Jekyll of home-remodeling.

Here's what I think we should do with our new house - replace the floors, paint the walls, move in.

Here's what Mike thinks we should do with our new house-replace the floors, paint the walls, move three doors, move the laundry room, add one door, gut two bathrooms and....add the Taj Mahal of walk-in closets.

 I quit listening when he started talking about removing doors. My eyes glazed over. My thoughts started wandering to a peaceful day on the beach. He wants me to understand his plan by using such words as "measure," "square feet," and my all-time favorite, "perimeter." (What the heck is a perimeter?)

He tells me that we'll have the best walk-in closet I could ever imagine. Here's what's really bizarre about this plan - I will never have enough clothes to fill a walk-in closet. Ask my friend Dana. I hate to shop and when I do go shopping, once a year, I refuse to try the clothes on and my outfits look exactly like the mannequins. I have no imagination when it comes to dressing myself. I watch "What Not to Wear" every week. I love Stacey and Clinton. I wish Stacey was my best friend and Clinton was my cousin. But even with all this passion in wanting to be like Stacey and Clinton, I am most comfortable in sweats, socks and T-shirt with no bra (only around the house - I put a bra on when I go out into public.) So I'm not understanding Mike's quest for the MASTER CLOSET.

He says I can walk in and ALL  my clothes will be hanging right there in front of me (usually I just throw my sweats on the floor of the closet.) He says I can arrange all my shoes according to color and time of year (usually I just throw my tennis shoes on the floor of the closet.) Now all my scarves and belts are ALWAYS VISIBLE to me (usually I just keep my belts on my pants and throw my scarves on the bottom of the floor of the closet.)

I hate to squelch all this creative energy, but do you ever look at your spouse and think "Where in the world did my husband get the idea that I want a walk-in closet?" Now I'm under all this pressure to go out and buy more clothes (usually I get all my clothes from my friend Dana - now there's a person who needs the CASTLE OF ALL WALK-IN CLOSETS.)

I don't need a walk-in closet...unless there's a lot more floor space where I could throw ALL my clothes, not just my sweats.

I think Mike has mistaken my enjoyment of Stacey and Clinton to mean that I want a five-thousand dollar shopping spree. If I had five thousand extra dollars I would not use it to buy clothes to fill up a 200 square foot closet.

I would go buy another horse and then ask Mike to build me the Taj Mahal of all barns. Now that's something I could use.