The Dog Park

Since we live in this tiny apartment, we spend a lot of time at the dog park. Fortunately we only live two blocks from it, so it's an easy walk for all.

Bodie, our Collie, hates the dog park. He has no interest in playing with other dogs, sniffing other dogs or acknowledging other dogs. He certainly has no interest in chasing balls.

Mona is Miss Social. She loves the dog park. She starts straining on her leash as soon as it gets in sight. Mona loves the other dogs, she loves sniffing the other dogs and she especially loves chasing balls. She will exhaust herself chasing balls. She's the kind of dog that if she could speak she'd be yelling "Throw it again, throw it again, again, again." If Bodie could speak he'd say, "Are you kidding me, I'm not chasing the ball," and then he'd flop to the ground and ignore me and all other humans.

Just like dog owners,there are a variety of dogs and personalities at the park. There is always the Border Collie or two. Apparently they are one of the most intelligent dogs, but I can't see that-they spend a lot of time herding anything-people, ducks, chickens and other dogs. I'd concur that they are intelligent if they could herd cats. There is the guy that has three Great Danes-I think the only thing you can say about Great Danes is that they are big, because quite frankly, they aren't the brightest bulb in the bunch. One in particular still hasn't figured out that the gate has to open in order for him to continue walking - he presses his head against it and will stand there, head bowed, for as long as it takes for his owner to show up and open the gate, and then he acts rather surprised. Then there are the people who own Wiener Dogs. Again, they don't seem too intelligent, they aren't cute at all, and they yip incessantly. When one comes up to me in the park I am hard pressed to not step on them and crush their heads into the ground.

Mona plays with all the dogs. She is as happy as happy can be when she's running around, tongue lolling in the midst of a pack of previously unknown friends. She loves the Border Collie, the Great Danes, the Yellow Labs and yes, even the Wiener Dogs. Bodie is arrogant to all of them. He has no desire to be friends with them and he is continually bugging me to go home.

When we were in Colorado Bodie's job was to watch the horses. He was not allowed to go in the field with them so instead he stalked them up and down and around the fence lines. Chaco, my horse, soon figured out that Bodie couldn't come inside, and proceeded to antagonize him mercilessly. He'd reach over and bite him then hilariously run away knowing that Bodie was not allowed to nip at his heels.Now that we're in this apartment, he has no job so he has turned that energy into disdain.

He is disdainful of his food. He is disdainful of the leash. He is disdainful of going on walks and he is disdainful of me. I hope that when we finally get moved into our new place, I will regain my standing with him.

Mona's job here has not changed from the one she had in Colorado. She chases balls, she catches gophers, she sleeps and then she sleeps some more. She likes apartment living. She likes the dog park.
She likes going on walks because people stop and pet her. People pet Bodie too, he is a beautiful dog, but Bodie does not like to petted by people. Bodie pretends people don't exist. If he could figure out how to open a can of dog food, he'd finally be happy.

We should be moved in the next week or so. I hope that Mona can get used to being a dog again and I hope that Bodie finally forgives me.

Home Decorating with No Input from Males

Here's what I'm interested in regarding our new house; decorating. Paint, bedding, towels, counter tops, rugs, fun stuff like that. Here's what Mike is interested in: cematious siding, insulation levels, square feet of anything that might have a square foot, fireplace vents.

Here's what I think about that; BORING.

When we redid our bathroom downstairs in Granby the only thing that was fun was picking out tile, shower curtain and towels. When Alfaro (Mike did not do this bathroom - that's a whole other story.) he asked if he should put copper piping or flexible PVC, did I care? No. (Does anyone out there know what PVC stands for?) When he asked where the new thermostat should go, did I care? No...regarding that, I probably should have since he put it inside the vanity because the wiring was already there...can't you move wiring?

When I tell Mike I want to take out this pony wall (I actually know what that is) because I don't like it, he proceeds to tell me why I can't (something to do with a support something or other) or when I want him to put book shelves all the way to the ceiling in the living room, once again he tells me I can't (something to do with no bearings to hook to) bearings? I thought that meant "I can't get my bearings out here in the wilderness, therefor I am lost.)

I want the remodeling/decorating of my house to be like that on HGTV. They can redo an entire kitchen in a half hour. Granted, they probably have all the material in the garage ready to go and they don't have to argue at Home Depot (see previous Blog) but still, a HALF HOUR!!! I can't even get Mike to commit to a paint color in a half hour.

So this is why I don't tell Mike anything about decorating. If I was to tell him that we need to buy all new pillows for our couch to fit in with the new colors, he would want to know why we can't use the old ones (never mind the fact that I gave them away before we moved.) I guess I could just buy a new couch; now there's a thought... I told him, while in Home Depot, that I was in charge of decorating and he was merely the unpaid laborer. Probably not a good choice of words. But let's face it, if men have a TV, a comfy chair to sit in in front of the TV and some sort of table (a box will do)to put their beer on, they think their house is decorated.

This is one of those "topics of discussion" that talk shows and Dr. Phil base their livelihood on. This is why the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is so popular...decorating a home.

Here's what I have learned. If you can, hire someone to do all the peon labor. Occasionally show your husband a small slice of what you're doing (like a scrap of fabric which really doesn't even have to be related to the new room - he'll never know) and ask what he thinks. This will confuse him because A-he's not sure what to think about color and B-you SEEM to be interested in his opinion and once again, he will be confused. Keep talking about how well the remodeling is going and throw in phrases such as "Alfaro probably isn't as good as you, but we're only paying him $15 dollars per hour," or "I think you were probably right about the heated tiles, that was a good idea," and then hand him a beer.

The key to decorating and staying married is letting your husband believe he's making all these decisions. I've actually taken tile back to Home Depot that Mike has picked out that is just plain butt-ugly and then convinced him that the tile I've picked out instead are the ones he picked out. I've done a lot of decorating and remodeling without Mike knowing anything about it. One time I bought a new fridge when he was on a business trip and he didn't even notice until about a week later. I saw him staring, confused, at the new fridge, but he never did say anything.

I have many plans for this new house and none of them Mike needs to know about. It's how I keep peace and after all, I have been married for 28 years.

How Many Ways....

How many ways can two people discuss where a closet door should go?

Many.

And none of them end up well.

People that know Mike believe that he is this rational, level-headed person who enjoys the simple things in life...it's not true. Once Mike gets a pencil, ruler and graph paper in front of him he turns into the Dr. Jekyll of home-remodeling.

Here's what I think we should do with our new house - replace the floors, paint the walls, move in.

Here's what Mike thinks we should do with our new house-replace the floors, paint the walls, move three doors, move the laundry room, add one door, gut two bathrooms and....add the Taj Mahal of walk-in closets.

 I quit listening when he started talking about removing doors. My eyes glazed over. My thoughts started wandering to a peaceful day on the beach. He wants me to understand his plan by using such words as "measure," "square feet," and my all-time favorite, "perimeter." (What the heck is a perimeter?)

He tells me that we'll have the best walk-in closet I could ever imagine. Here's what's really bizarre about this plan - I will never have enough clothes to fill a walk-in closet. Ask my friend Dana. I hate to shop and when I do go shopping, once a year, I refuse to try the clothes on and my outfits look exactly like the mannequins. I have no imagination when it comes to dressing myself. I watch "What Not to Wear" every week. I love Stacey and Clinton. I wish Stacey was my best friend and Clinton was my cousin. But even with all this passion in wanting to be like Stacey and Clinton, I am most comfortable in sweats, socks and T-shirt with no bra (only around the house - I put a bra on when I go out into public.) So I'm not understanding Mike's quest for the MASTER CLOSET.

He says I can walk in and ALL  my clothes will be hanging right there in front of me (usually I just throw my sweats on the floor of the closet.) He says I can arrange all my shoes according to color and time of year (usually I just throw my tennis shoes on the floor of the closet.) Now all my scarves and belts are ALWAYS VISIBLE to me (usually I just keep my belts on my pants and throw my scarves on the bottom of the floor of the closet.)

I hate to squelch all this creative energy, but do you ever look at your spouse and think "Where in the world did my husband get the idea that I want a walk-in closet?" Now I'm under all this pressure to go out and buy more clothes (usually I get all my clothes from my friend Dana - now there's a person who needs the CASTLE OF ALL WALK-IN CLOSETS.)

I don't need a walk-in closet...unless there's a lot more floor space where I could throw ALL my clothes, not just my sweats.

I think Mike has mistaken my enjoyment of Stacey and Clinton to mean that I want a five-thousand dollar shopping spree. If I had five thousand extra dollars I would not use it to buy clothes to fill up a 200 square foot closet.

I would go buy another horse and then ask Mike to build me the Taj Mahal of all barns. Now that's something I could use.

Our First Major Decision

Mike and I made our first major decision regarding our new home at Home Depot and we didn't even get into a huge argument about it. Sort of.

This crazy house has wide plank pine wood floor which are in rough shape. I think it'd be very vogue to refinish them, Mike does not. He says we can't because they're sub-floors. What does that mean to me? Nothing. He tried explaining to me that it means there's just insulation and then the ground. What does that mean to me? Nothing.  Sub-flooring, Mike quietly explained in front of Martha from Home-Depot, is what you put floors on top of, you do not live on them. Martha discreetly left to go help another couple...good luck with that Martha.

Martha probably hears a lot of these discussions in Home-Depot. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Home Depot employees don't have training in relationship counseling.

There's a lot of eye rolling in the Home Depot aisles, from both sexes. On our way to look at counter tops, we heard another couple in a heated discussion regarding lights. He wanted to buy the $2.87 ones that were on sale. She did not. She wanted the more expensive ones in her hand. I agree with her, the ones on sale were ugly; that's why they were on sale.

In the counter top section we agree that we are going for a laminate- it's inexpensive and they have them so they look like granite. It was the edging that set us off into another discussion. Mike wanted one kind, I wanted another. He told me that that one I wanted would be too hard to clean. I reminded him that he never cleans the kitchen anyway. Jud, the counter guy, walked back to his computer and ducked his head down over his keyboard.

Here's what we agreed on - bamboo floors (they were on sale) and Mike's going to install them (even though Home Depot will install them for only $300, which is what I think we should do). We tabled the counter top argument (which I'm pretty confident I'll win) and didn't even talk about the bathroom redo.

One step at a time when you remodel a house with your spouse. If I don't say a word about putting a shop in the barn, he'll leave me alone when it comes to replacing all the appliances with ones that are all the same color....Mike thinks cream and white are the same....

It's all about what battles you choose to fight. I suggested we go to separate rooms (hard to do in this apartment) and write down our ideas for this new place and then come together and compromise. What does compromise mean in a marriage? It means that one person gives up something one time and the other person gives up something another time. It does not mean meeting in the middle.

This means I won't get my wide plank floors but I will get heated tiles in the bathroom. It means Mike will get to take over half the barn for his shop but I will get book shelves in the guest room. It means Mike will get to cut down some trees but I will get French doors. It means Mike can have a huge file cabinet in the office but I get to pick out the paint for the entire house.

He doesn't know any of the above. It's important to let your husband THINK he's making all the major decisions but you know better.

On Having My Husband Home

Although I like having Mike home after him being away for three months he's driving me crazy. I feel like I have another Ian but one that takes up more space in a place that's already small and...add two large dogs who do not like apartment living and you have me wishing I could stay at work longer.

I'd ask myself, "What is it about men that makes them think they need to come first?" but instead, I should ask, "What is is about women that allows men to think they need to come first?" I think I've done a great disservice to women everywhere (especially the women who end up marrying my two sons) by being nice to the men in my life.

That's all it is; we women like to be nice and we also want everyone to like us even if we don't like them.

We need to be more like men - we need to care less about relationships-we need to care more about power and how to gain it. If we focused more on being like men I wouldn't have to be concerned when Mike loses his glasses or his car keys or his phone. Never mind that I don't use any of that, apparently it's still my responsibility to find them. Why? Because women like to take care of people and that means finding lost items. That means that when we do laundry we are responsible for cleaning out their pockets. That means making the bed even though they are the last ones out. It means showing them over and over and over how the remote for the DVD player works.

I started thinking about this when I took the dogs for a walk; they didn't really need the walk and it was a little cold, but I needed the walk otherwise I was going to take the knife I was using to cut up cucumbers and stab my husband on the hand.

So this is my new mantra - I will retrain my husband so he is a contributing member to my family. He will learn to clean bathrooms (he supervised a multi-million dollar ski area - I think he can learn to shake a can of Comet). He will learn to make the bed AND arrange the decorative pillows. He will learn to take pens out of his shorts before he puts them in the dirty clothes, and oh yeah, he will learn to pick up the lid of the dirty clothes hamper and put his clothes IN the hamper - not on top, not AROUND, not in the general vicinity.

I think these are are all reachable goals and a good step toward making my husband someone I want to live with in our new home
.
 Otherwise I may have to call a couple of rather criminal-type cousins I have and find out what my alternatives are.

My Sprititual Journey

I'm trying to become a more spiritually in touch individual. At COCC I am surrounded by people who are (or at least they say they are) and I'm beginning to feel left out. These people have a calm, outward appearance. They arrive at meetings smiling and greeting others with hugs and sympathetic looks. They wear jewelry that is symbolic of something. They go on spiritual journeys to some place that the rest of us can't pronounce and they talk of meeting the Dalai Lamai (although I heard he died...do these people know this or are they talking about meeting him in the netherworld.) They read books by people who also have names the rest of us can't pronounce.

I do yoga. I don't practice Yoga. In fact, I've been doing Yoga for about three years and still don't know what Namaste means. I do Yoga because it helps keep all the aches and pain from old age and bad living,stay away. I don't do it to become more in touch with my body; I wish I could get rid of my body and get a new one. When the final words of my Yoga DVD are "Live today breathing out the negativity" if Mike or Ian are walking by, they laugh out loud.

I told someone at a recent meeting that I DO Yoga. She got all excited and wanted to know what level I was on. I told her I was on Level One from Amazon; it was only 5.99. She sneakily got up and sat by someone else; I don't know how she's so spiritually in-tune, I think she's kind of a snob. I told another lady with black hair that was going grey that I DO Yoga. She got excited too until I told her I only did it so the pain in my shoulder was not quite so bad. She got up too. I think next time I see her I should tell her she needs to dye her hair and that it doesn't look good and the only ones who look good with grey hair are men. Then we'll see how spiritually in touch she is.

This journey is not going well. I'm not a nice enough person to become more forgiving and tolerant. I'm too busy to concentrate on my breathing. I'm too loud to become soft-spoken. I'm too obnoxious to give unknown people hugs and support. I rarely pay attention to what comes out of my mouth. I secretly laugh at those who gush over the latest epiphany they've had.

My friend Betsey (aka Elizabeth) says I'm also a snob. She says I like being around people that I find at my work; I get to talk about ideas and think that I'm saving the world. She's right. But I also know that I like living in Redmond (no matter how many people from Bend tell me I shouldn't say that out loud) because it's a cowboy and ranching town and it's small and when it comes right down to it, I'd much rather hang out with cowboys at a bar than yuppies at a spa

So I'm going to continue to work on my inner self even if all it means is that I don't hope the lady with the bracelet that symbolizes world peace walks in front of a car. .

Rejoining the Twenty-First Century

We have lived in our apartment now for about four months with the following: four plates, four bowls, one set of silverware, two cups, four wine glasses, one couch, one real bed and one air mattress, three towels, a small flat screen TV and two gigantic dog beds for the two gigantic dogs. I've kind of liked it; I think I could get into the feng shui thing. You know how easy it is to clean a house with no furniture? Do you realize how quick it is to wash four plates and four forks?

What I don't have, which I haven't missed, is a computer. I'm work with a computer all the time, all day; anymore people can't function in the "real" world without a computer. At COCC we are constantly reminded to check Commlines multiple times during the day; I guess it's so we know if the school has caught on fire or something. So far the only interesting information I've garnered from my repeated checking  is that if I want to retire I can get $1000 right away. (They send that message to everyone, so I'm not taking it personally.)

So now we're on the hunt for a computer. Mike loves stuff like this. I wish I could manage to lose my cell phone more often. My friend Dana is always making fun of me because I don't have a Face book page; she says I could get in touch with all sorts of people that way. On the flip side, many people could get in touch with me and maybe I don't want to be in touch with all those people. I figure if I want to be in touch I'd be in touch.

We've been down to the Verizon Dealer, Best Buys, Computerland, Costco and any other store that might have a computer for sale. This is the plan; Mike is trading his fancy phone in (the one that if it rings and he's not in the room and I am, it doesn't get answered) for a simpler model (like mine) and then he'll get a Notebook which has built in wireless and then we'll get a laptop. All of this is supposed to save us $40 a month...really?

I brought home an IPad from our library that I reserved so we could try it out. Ian and Mike love it. I hated it and after 23 minutes lost interest especially since where ever I moved my finger the screen followed. I did not want it to follow. I wanted it to stay on my email which I couldn't even reply to since I couldn't figure out how to get the keyboard to come up. I clicked something which sent me to Sports Illustrated and then handed it back to Mike and said, "I'm going to go upstairs and read a book." Ian then said, "But Mom, you can get a book here." He flipped around and around and lo and behold, a book did come up which I couldn't get to "turn" the page because it doesn't "turn," it floats. I went upstairs to read a book which has real pages that turn when I need them to and which I can turn upside down on my nightstand when I'm done and pick it up the next morning and it will be in the SAME PLACE I left it at.

I think I'm the kind of person that would be perfectly happy living in a home with running water, electricity, a dog or two, my horse and books, real books with paper and covers and page numbers.

As it is, I guess we're buying more electronic stuff to clutter up my mental and emotional space. My friend Laura has managed to run over two laptops; I'm thinking of following in her footsteps.