On Looking at Other People's Houses

We have found a house to put an offer on. Here are the things wrong with it: illegal wood stove, sloping floor in the bathroom, sloping roof, trees leaning against the deck, three dry ponds and a kitchen with no doors on the cabinets. Other than that it's perfect.

Seriously. I've looked at so many houses I've lost count. I thought this would be fun; it looks fun when they do it on HGTV. The people walk in to these somewhat perfect homes, complain about the border wallpaper and then make an offer which is accepted.

I walked into one house that had a sunken hot tub in the bedroom; if I fell out of bed I could drown. One house had an escape hatch next to the fireplace that led to the illegal garage. Another house had a barn for miniature horses-you had to duck to get into it. One house had a chandelier in the middle of the living room that even I, at 5'8', hit my head on.

I've looked at dirty homes, homes where the plumbing had been ripped through the walls, homes where the cat fur was so thick I thought it was a cool kind of wallpaper until I touched it. One house had an Italian villa theme going on, right down to the mounted flower boxes in the dining room with plastic geraniums stuck in real dirt.  One house had no septic; I guess the sewer ran out into the pasture, which explained the really, really green grass.

I'm tired of looking at homes. I want someone to buy one for me and then fix it for me and then move all our stuff out of storage for me and paint the walls and decorate and fix a crock pot of stew and then I come home.

We're living in a 700 square foot apartment with two dogs who are NOT used to living inside. Bodie, our collie, is not adapting well. He does not like a leash, he does not like to come when called, he hates the dog park and all the dogs in it and insists on laying down in the middle of our 6'x6 kitchen. Mona however, has decided she likes apartment living. She likes the dog park since she's much more sociable than Bodie, she doesn't mind a leash and she loves sneaking onto the couch at night (how does she know when to get down???). She may have a harder time adjusting back to being a farm dog.

Regardless of anything, we may be in a new-old house by Christmas ducking under the roof and roping ourselves through the bathroom.