Why I am Forced to Break the Law

I have taken to stealing books from the library. Why? Because this particular library has a stupid policy where you can only check out eight items at a time AND even I have just turned in three items, they have not been checked in because they only check in things once per day. Thus, I have been forced to stealing items since even if I don't have one darn thing checked out their RECORDS state that I do.

You can see my dilemma. If this was a reasonable library with reasonable policies and employed people who could get off their butts and check in books, I would follow the rules. But none of the above is true, so I have no choice.

When we got our new horse trailer three years ago I went to the DMV in Hot Sulphur Springs at their brand new, multi-million dollar courthouse with the gym in the basement and tried to buy a license plate. I was told that it was $275 for a license plate for a horse trailer that gets used 10 times per year. Do the math - $27.50 every time I drive it three miles to the Granby Roping Arena. I asked what would happen if I didn't buy a license plate.
"Well," the overweight overpaid clerk haughtily replied, "you would get a ticket."
"WOULD get a ticket or MIGHT get a ticket?" I just as haughtily replied back.
"Well, I would hope that you would get a ticket; we just can't have people going around breaking the law all the time."
"How much are the tickets?" I asked.
"Well, it's up to the discretion of the officer, but they range from $25 to $50."
"So, I would have to be pulled over at least 10 times in order for me to reach this ridiculous fee of $275."
"Well, yes, I guess."
Do the math. I have been pulling my horse trailer for three years without being pulled over. Once again, you can see my dilemma on how I have been forced to break the law.

A few years after we moved to Granby, we decided to install electricity in our barn. I called the county inspector and asked if he could come out and sign off on our project. He said it'd be a few weeks. "How many weeks?"
"Not sure, I'm really behind."
"Is there only one of you?"
"Yep."
"Do you think you could call the obese woman in the DMV and she might be able to come out?"
He was silent.
"My point is," I continued,"in a few weeks it will be snowing and no one wants to dig a trench in the snow."
"Yep, sorry."

So once again I am forced to break the law. We have no permits on our barn's electricity and pity the poor person who buys our home (like that's going to really happen) and it burns down.

I really would like to follow the rules (okay, okay, those of you who know me are probably snickering or possibly loudly guffawing at this statement) but THOSE PEOPLE make it impossible.

So I will continue to steal library items (I always bring them back) and when my horse and trailer get to Oregon, I'll try to buy a license plate and when we build our new house (like that's going to really happen) I hope the people who build it know all about permits, because I'd hate for it to burn down.