Ian's Greatest Fears

Ian, as a Freshman, has two fears; that I will CALL THE SCHOOL  and that I will WALK BY THE SKATE PARK. He has no idea that because I know these weak spots  I will use them to my advantage.

He keeps informing me that now that he's in high school, parents DO NOT CALL THE SCHOOL...EVER.

I said, "What if your dog dies, can I call the school then?"
"What if I've run out of gas and you will need to cook dinner, can I call the school then?"
"What if I've just won the lottery and I want to take you out and spend $10,000 on anything you want, can I call the school then?"
"No, you cannot call the school."
"Okay," so instead I stopped by. I wanted to make sure that he gave the school our new address, just in case they want to send me a formal letter asking why I'm the only parent who has never called the school.
I told him I stopped by...on my way to work...in the morning...while there were students in the hall.
 "You stopped by?" he practically fainted.
"Yes, I wanted to make sure they had our new address."
"Did anyone see you?"
"No, not really, just the 100 or so kids who were in the hall in between classes."
He was aghast.
"Did anyone know who you were?"
"Well, no, not until I stood in the middle of the hall and yelled at the top of my lungs, 'Hello all you young people, I'm Ian Ricketts' mom'"
"That's not funny."

He hates that when I walk in the evenings I walk by the skate park at least twice and wave and say, in a high-pitched voice, "Yoo hoo, Ian, it's your mom" just in case none of the other kids know that by now.
When he leaves to go skating he grills me as to when and where I'm going to walk.
I always just shrug and smile secretly as he bangs out the door.
I try to give him just enough time to become slightly comfortable with the idea that I might not be going on a walk then I show up. His friends seem to like me - they always wave and say "Hi Ian's mom." I think they think I'm cool, Ian just doesn't know it because Ian's not as cool as he thinks he is, in fact, I may be more cool than him.

Let's face it, when you are the parent of a teenager, the only joy you get out of your kids is the ability to humiliate them. When Ian was in middle school, Mike would drop him off and yell out the window, "Bye Ian, I love you, make good choices." Yes, Mike does love him and yes, Mike does want him to make good choices, but he really only said that to embarrass him and see him squirm. Ian started asking me if I could drop him off. I said sure and the first time I did I yelled out the window, "Bye Ian, I love you, make good choices."

Those are the moments we parents of teens live for - humiliation, embarrassment, physical squirming, rolling of eyes, flipping of the hair, stomping off, slamming of doors. It's all such joy that I hope Ian stays a teen forever.