Ian and Mike are going to Aspen tomorrow to watch the X Games. For those of you who have escaped the scourge of X Games on ESPN, they are "competitions" where people (usually young men who are uneducated and do not have families) attempt all sorts of crazy, dangerous stunts on snow with all kinds of apparatus. There are "Skiing Men's Slope Style," "Freestyle Snowmobile," and "Elimination Pipe."
I do know in "Freestyle Snowmobile" men (I am convinced this is a gender-specific sport) attempt flips, back flips and sailing through the air with a snowmobile. In "Elimination Pipe" men attempt weird, convoluted positions with their bodies while on a snowboard boarding down a cement tube that looks like something from the Arizona Aqueduct.
I'm glad they're going. It means I can clean the house and it will remain clean until they return. It means I can eat what I want, when I want and how I want. It means I can sleep on the couch watching Doris Day and Rock Hudson movies. It means I do not have to watch the "Bourne Identity" for the thirteenth time. It means I do not have to eat pepperoni pizza. It means I only have to clean up after myself.
It also means that something in the house will break.
My friend Sam knows this as a fact.
She knows that every time Mike has been gone something in our house breaks or I buy some major appliance.
Mike was gone last week to Salt Lake City.
I woke up the first morning he was gone to an alarm going off in the garage. I didn't even know we had an alarm in the garage. My immediate solution to the problem was to ignore it. I figured if the house blew up it would be easier to collect money on it than try to sell it.
When I returned from work five hours later it was still going off. So I called Mike. He told me to call an electrician.
The electrician came out and first told me that his hearing was not that great so he couldn't really hear the alarm.
What was the point in having the electrician come out? So I wandered about the garage pointing out the twelve different places I heard the alarm.
It took a dog to solve the problem...really.
The electrician is cupping his ear (does that really help?) and I'm looking upward and Bodie, our arrogant yet intelligent collie, pokes his nose at the door of our tent trailer. I look at Bodie, am immediately disgusted with my stupidity, open the door to the trailer and reach in and turn off the carbon monoxide alarm.
The electrician wrote me a bill for $79.00.
Sam knows that I have built decks, bought refrigerators, gutted a living room and purchased numerous horses while Mike has been gone.
This time I'm hoping to have the house sold and moved back to Oregon by Saturday.
Hey, it could happen.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Wierd, True Things About Granby
Yesterday I was at the library and a not-so reliable source came in (he was 12 and spends his time in the library sticking his hand up the vending machine trying to get free candy) and told me that Grand Lake (a town about 10 miles from here) was evacuated because of a moose attack and that the Flight for Life Helicopter had landed.
Like I said, he's not a reliable source of information, but we did have a moose attack a couple of years ago in Grand Lake which killed an elderly man. (Later it was discovered that the moose had been hit by a car and was in pain. A grouchy moose is something you should avoid).
So Julie, who was working, called Edie, at the Grand Lake Library. Here's how the conversation went.
"Edie, this is Julie. Someone here says Grand Lake has been evacuated because of a moose attack."
Silence
I whisper to Julie, "ask her to walk outside."
Julie's laughing by this time and says, "Walk outside," not expecting Edie to, but she does. Julie waits. Now she's really laughing and this kid is eating Starbursts, unperturbed, and probably stolen.
More silence on Julie's end.
Then she hangs up and says "Edie looked outside and there was no one in town and there was a helicopter in the park and then she says, 'how come no one ever tells me anything?'"
"Told you," the kid said.
Like I said, he's not a reliable source of information, but we did have a moose attack a couple of years ago in Grand Lake which killed an elderly man. (Later it was discovered that the moose had been hit by a car and was in pain. A grouchy moose is something you should avoid).
So Julie, who was working, called Edie, at the Grand Lake Library. Here's how the conversation went.
"Edie, this is Julie. Someone here says Grand Lake has been evacuated because of a moose attack."
Silence
I whisper to Julie, "ask her to walk outside."
Julie's laughing by this time and says, "Walk outside," not expecting Edie to, but she does. Julie waits. Now she's really laughing and this kid is eating Starbursts, unperturbed, and probably stolen.
More silence on Julie's end.
Then she hangs up and says "Edie looked outside and there was no one in town and there was a helicopter in the park and then she says, 'how come no one ever tells me anything?'"
"Told you," the kid said.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Subjects Other Than Math
I complain about Math all the time, and for good reason I will add. Every Monday we have skill checks that have nothing to do with what Ian is actually studying. Today I decided to do it. I know, that's cheating and hopefully no one who is involved with Ian's home school program, reads this. I did it because I'm tired of trying to convince Ian he needs the skill check for........I can't figure out what for. So I did it and used all the notes the Math gods sent along and got a 90%. You know, it's not really that hard as long as you have a sheet to follow along with. If I had to remember what I did, well, that's a different story. See, that's the problem with math, who can remember it from time to time. Now, if we used it everyday, like English, then I could see it.
English - we just finished reading a number of short stories that I've never read and were not bad (except this one about a "bat-poet." I think the underlying theme had something to do with creativity, but it was so stupid, who really cared?) The way his program is set up is that we read half of a short story and the other half the next day. That's also stupid - it's a short story-read the whole thing, which is what I make Ian do, or I read it out loud. So now we have to write about one of them. Why do schools ruin reading by making students write?
History - at the rate we're going we'll hit North American as we now know it, about the year 2012. That's true even in public schools, no wonder 18 year olds know nothing about Vietnam but everything about the Greeks. Seriously, all you need to know about Greek History is that they died and the islands are supposed to be really nice to visit.
Science - today we did an experiment involving duct tape (Ian's favorite product), toy cars, knives and a stopwatch. Last week we did an experiment with lye...do you know how hard it is to find lye? It was all sold out in the hardware store (apparently someone up here is making soap), the grocery store clerk wandered around with me for a half hour before we figured out they didn't carry it. I finally got smart and went to the library and asked Julie where she thought I could find some lye. She thought Lurraine at the Fabric Store had some; her drains were plugged up and she believes in the power of lye. So we went to the Fabric Store and Lurraine did indeed have some lye in her bathroom that she lent it to us.
Spanish - it's all done with a microphone and an online geeky-looking kid. So far Ian knows, "muy bien, hola, me llama es Ian" and the difference between "tu" and "usted." And....he's earned umpteem million dollars which he can use to change his Avatar. Does anyone out there know what an "Avatar"is??
Report cards are coming and I can't wait to see how I've done....I mean how Ian's done.
English - we just finished reading a number of short stories that I've never read and were not bad (except this one about a "bat-poet." I think the underlying theme had something to do with creativity, but it was so stupid, who really cared?) The way his program is set up is that we read half of a short story and the other half the next day. That's also stupid - it's a short story-read the whole thing, which is what I make Ian do, or I read it out loud. So now we have to write about one of them. Why do schools ruin reading by making students write?
History - at the rate we're going we'll hit North American as we now know it, about the year 2012. That's true even in public schools, no wonder 18 year olds know nothing about Vietnam but everything about the Greeks. Seriously, all you need to know about Greek History is that they died and the islands are supposed to be really nice to visit.
Science - today we did an experiment involving duct tape (Ian's favorite product), toy cars, knives and a stopwatch. Last week we did an experiment with lye...do you know how hard it is to find lye? It was all sold out in the hardware store (apparently someone up here is making soap), the grocery store clerk wandered around with me for a half hour before we figured out they didn't carry it. I finally got smart and went to the library and asked Julie where she thought I could find some lye. She thought Lurraine at the Fabric Store had some; her drains were plugged up and she believes in the power of lye. So we went to the Fabric Store and Lurraine did indeed have some lye in her bathroom that she lent it to us.
Spanish - it's all done with a microphone and an online geeky-looking kid. So far Ian knows, "muy bien, hola, me llama es Ian" and the difference between "tu" and "usted." And....he's earned umpteem million dollars which he can use to change his Avatar. Does anyone out there know what an "Avatar"is??
Report cards are coming and I can't wait to see how I've done....I mean how Ian's done.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Math - It Still Will Not Go Away
Along with our daily math lessons, we also have weekly math skills checks. Ian has to get online and go to some remote site, probably in Azerbaijan, and take a "skills check." I'm a confused by these because they usually have nothing to do with what we (or I should say, Ian and his math tutor) are currently working on.
This week's math skills check was about complementary angles- which apparently are not about angles who give each other compliments. I always ask Ian if I can help him and yesterday he said yes. So we printed off the student guide, which, in the email, I was told would help us with the skills check.
It did not help us. We (or Ian) still only got 70%. I spent most of the time looking up online what the math terms meant. Ian spent his time figuring out answers. He probably would have gotten a better score if he hadn't listened to me when I thought certain answers should be different.
Fortunately he meets with his tutor and has now figured out to try and get as much of the math for the week figured out with him; he can no longer depend on me. Poor kid.
I thought I might be a better help in English. After all, I'm over-educated in the English department. But I'm pretty sure I missed sentence diagramming, which looks too much like math, with angles (probably complementary) everywhere.
So here's my questions to all three of my followers...what is the point of diagramming sentences?
Does it help you read better?
Does it help you understand something better?
Does it help you get a job?
Do you put on your resume that you can diagram a sentence in 14 seconds?
Do you care if it is a progressive or perfect tense? Does anyone care?
There are a few instances in life where the ability to diagram a sentence might come in handy - if you had to take your GED - if you were on Jeopardy-if you dated a grammarian.
Which leads me the question I was often asked as a high school English teacher....do we need to know this?
Usually they were asking in reference to an upcoming test, but seriously, for life, do we need to know this?
This week's math skills check was about complementary angles- which apparently are not about angles who give each other compliments. I always ask Ian if I can help him and yesterday he said yes. So we printed off the student guide, which, in the email, I was told would help us with the skills check.
It did not help us. We (or Ian) still only got 70%. I spent most of the time looking up online what the math terms meant. Ian spent his time figuring out answers. He probably would have gotten a better score if he hadn't listened to me when I thought certain answers should be different.
Fortunately he meets with his tutor and has now figured out to try and get as much of the math for the week figured out with him; he can no longer depend on me. Poor kid.
I thought I might be a better help in English. After all, I'm over-educated in the English department. But I'm pretty sure I missed sentence diagramming, which looks too much like math, with angles (probably complementary) everywhere.
So here's my questions to all three of my followers...what is the point of diagramming sentences?
Does it help you read better?
Does it help you understand something better?
Does it help you get a job?
Do you put on your resume that you can diagram a sentence in 14 seconds?
Do you care if it is a progressive or perfect tense? Does anyone care?
There are a few instances in life where the ability to diagram a sentence might come in handy - if you had to take your GED - if you were on Jeopardy-if you dated a grammarian.
Which leads me the question I was often asked as a high school English teacher....do we need to know this?
Usually they were asking in reference to an upcoming test, but seriously, for life, do we need to know this?
Monday, January 3, 2011
Back at the Homeschooling
We spent Christmas at my mother's in Phoenix, Arizona where temperatures averaged 70 degrees. We arrived back in Denver where the plane was one hour late because DIA (Denver International Airport) was three below and under a blizzard watch. I was not a happy camper. I had left my winter jacket in the car so while standing waiting for the shuttle I was really not a happy camper. When we got home our electricity had gone off because of the blizzard warning, it was 15 degrees below and my dish washing soap was frozen solid. I was not a happy camper.
Now we are back homeschooling. I had to work this morning so I spent the evening before writing out explicit, line-by-line instructions on what Ian had to do. Apparently when I wrote "use colored pencils on your map" they were not explicit enough; he used pen. When I wrote "trace a path that ancient Hebrews traveled" they were not explicit enough; he used a magic marker, black, large tip, and traced a line around the oceans - I guess he thought the ancient Hebrews traveled only by boat. When I left a taped, yellow piece of paper on his computer screen that said "Ian - please shovel the snow off the front and back decks and dump the garbage" they were not explicit enough - he feigned ignorance, "What note?"
"The note you flipped back over your computer so you could play Operation 7."
"Oh, I didn't know anything was written on that."
He told me this evening that when he becomes a ninth grader he's going to become neat. I told him that brain transplants have not been invented yet. He thinks they might be a good idea and he has now decided that he should become a brain surgeon - I'm going to make him read "Flowers for Algernon."
He informed me that when boys become high schoolers they change - all the things that are bad now are gone. Sounds like a Virgin Mary kind of miracle to me.
He gets his report card in two weeks. He's excited. He thinks he's going to get all A's and B's. Before we homeschooled he hated report card time; teachers would write things like "Ian needs to get and stay focused," "Ian needs to spend more time studying and less time socializing." I remember when I used to write things like this on report cards. I'm sorry for that. I now have a kid who, although he can't pick up his clothes and sleeps in the same things he wears and can't find the colored pencils (in his desk drawer) he's finally excited about his report card.
I think that's a good thing. I think all the things that were bad are now gone - a Virgin Mary kind of miracle.
Now we are back homeschooling. I had to work this morning so I spent the evening before writing out explicit, line-by-line instructions on what Ian had to do. Apparently when I wrote "use colored pencils on your map" they were not explicit enough; he used pen. When I wrote "trace a path that ancient Hebrews traveled" they were not explicit enough; he used a magic marker, black, large tip, and traced a line around the oceans - I guess he thought the ancient Hebrews traveled only by boat. When I left a taped, yellow piece of paper on his computer screen that said "Ian - please shovel the snow off the front and back decks and dump the garbage" they were not explicit enough - he feigned ignorance, "What note?"
"The note you flipped back over your computer so you could play Operation 7."
"Oh, I didn't know anything was written on that."
He told me this evening that when he becomes a ninth grader he's going to become neat. I told him that brain transplants have not been invented yet. He thinks they might be a good idea and he has now decided that he should become a brain surgeon - I'm going to make him read "Flowers for Algernon."
He informed me that when boys become high schoolers they change - all the things that are bad now are gone. Sounds like a Virgin Mary kind of miracle to me.
He gets his report card in two weeks. He's excited. He thinks he's going to get all A's and B's. Before we homeschooled he hated report card time; teachers would write things like "Ian needs to get and stay focused," "Ian needs to spend more time studying and less time socializing." I remember when I used to write things like this on report cards. I'm sorry for that. I now have a kid who, although he can't pick up his clothes and sleeps in the same things he wears and can't find the colored pencils (in his desk drawer) he's finally excited about his report card.
I think that's a good thing. I think all the things that were bad are now gone - a Virgin Mary kind of miracle.
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