Last night Ian learned the lesson that you may not get invited to something even if all your friends do.
A boy down the road had a Halloween party last night and Ian wasn't invited. He said his mom doesn't like Ian. I used to like his mom and I used to like his dad. I don't care if the kid wasn't telling the truth or he just wanted to be mean or he doesn't like Ian. I simply no longer like his parents. I figure if you raise a kid that says those kinds of things, then you aren't very nice people.
I saw his dad driving down our road this morning. I didn't wave at him. I hope he noticed that. I hope he was heading to the grocery store and he runs into a mutual friend and says, "Hey, I just passed Gina on the road and she didn't wave. Is she okay?" And then I hope this mutual friend says, "I heard she doesn't like you anymore because you're raising a mean child." And then I hope the dad goes home to his wife (and remember, I also don't like her anymore) and sits her down on the couch and says "Honey, Gina doesn't like us anymore and it's because we've allowed our son to be mean to hers and I really think we need to change our parenting and have a serious talk with our son."
Okay, so I'm pretty sure none of the above is going to happen. So instead Mike and I talked to Ian about how you will get your feelings hurt many times and people won't invite you to places and it will hurt you. Even when you're an adult. I reminded him that he had a bunch of friends over a few weeks ago and this now-horrible child down the road wasn't invited.
Tonight he's with other friends trick-or-treating and seems to be okay, but knowing Ian, he's thinking about it.
Then I started thinking about some of the times I haven't been invited places.
I used to get invited to jewelry parties; they're rather prolific around here. But I don't get invited anymore since the last one when my friend J invited me and I said, "I hate jewelry parties, please don't ask me." So she doesn't.
I used to get invited to the occasional bonfires people have out here, but I don't drink enough and most of the times I find conversations with somewhat drunk people very trying.
I used to get invited to church functions and baby showers and wedding showers and Bible studies. But after I laughed openly at a nice man at a Bible study on how he mis-used the word "persecution" (I think he meant "pestilence") I haven't been invited back.
I used to get invited skiing but finally the people in Grand County really, really know that yes, I really, really do hate snow and hate skiing.
In a nutshell, I've created my own group of invitations, which are limited. I go to places where I can ride my horse and rope and chase cows. I go to the only restaurant in town with my friend B and friend A. I go riding with my friend J and my friend A. I go to Silverthorne shopping with my friend B, but only if I need something. That's it. But I'm older and more secure in who I choose to hang out with.
Ian is still feeling his way through the world and, let's face it, eighth graders can be mean. I think it must be one of those hard lessons in life that you can't prevent. You can keep your child away from the bullys and limit his TV and what he sees on the Internet and make sure he gets enough fruits and vegetables, but you can't prevent some hurtful things happening. I think all you can do is listen and understand and offer words of support and maybe offer up some of your own life-lessons but you can't monitor what everyone else's children will say and do. You just hope that he has the "chutzpah" to let it roll off him and continue forward.
However, I'm still never going to wave to those parent again and if I see their son on the side of the road, I'm not stopping to offer him a lift home, no matter what the weather. Okay, maybe if it's a blizzard I'll let him in my car, but only if it's a blizzard.
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