Brown-nosing in Cyberspace

In homeschooling, we have online sessions complete with "live" teachers and students signing in and asking questions. Last week we had such a session on English. Ian has to write a Definition Essay and students can chime in on answers to what she asks.

I'm here to tell you that Brown-nosing happens even in Cyberspace.

I'll call her "K." "K" answered every questions in complete sentences with no typos. I'm pretty sure her mom is online and not "K". "K" is in her bedroom listening to old Ozzy Osborne records.

"S" asked a lot of questions...I think she was hoping the teacher would think she was really, really interested in what a "Definition Essay" was. I'm an English teacher and I wasn't even interested. Again, "S" typed in complete sentences, no typos and asked such things as "Is it possible to get a better grade than an A?"

Seriously, she asked this.Again, her mom was online and "S" was out hanging at the mall with newly dyed purple hair shoplifting magenta colored lipstick.

Better than an "A?" Of course, I was the kind of student on the first day of all college classes, figured out how many days I could miss and still get an "A" and actually wrote the days I skipped in my planner. I mean I still wanted an "A" but not that bad.

But, if these are real students and not their moms, brown-nosing is alive and thriving, even online.

When I was a teacher I hated the brown-nosers. They grew up to be car salesmen and politicians. I much prefered the students who told you to "F-off," they were honest.

When the cyber-teacher asked what kind of topics these students wanted to write about all sorts of frantic typing began and topics such as "why kitties make the best pets" and "why my mom is the best mom in the whole world." (I"m thinking that, once again, a mom was online).

Are you serious? "Why kitties make the best pets?" The teacher, displaying encouraging and self-esteem building skills typed, "Why 'L', what a great topic."

A great topic? Gag me with a spoon. If I had a student ask me ,"Can I write a paper on why kitties make the best pets" I would say, "Hell no and if you do you'll get an F because I refuse to read that kind of crap."

You know the kinds of teachers that say, the first day of class, "There are no dumb questions." Well, they are wrong, there are plenty of dumb questions and "Can I write a paper on why kitties make the best pets," is perhaps one of the dumbest. Next to "Do I need to know this?"

My favorite topic was from "J" who said, "Can I write on why snowboarders are such losers." I like "J", I think I might like to have a beer with him.

Ian's favorite was from "B" who asked if he could write a paper on explosions. Ian wanted to hang out with him.

Ian is writing a paper on why skiiers are faster than snowboarders, which is kind of the same thing as why snowboarders are such losers, just more politically correct.