Being Social - Part Two

On Friday night, Ian and a bunch of friends, went to the local high school football game. The team hasn't won a game in two years, even after they dropped down into a lower division, but going to the game is not about the game, but rather about running up and down the sidelines, buying really, really good chili at the snack stand, talking about girls (but never "to" girls) and generally wearing yourself out in the too-soon-fall temperatures here in the Rockies.

Mike and I called Ian about every hour to see how he was doing. All is great, bye Mom, I gotta go.

Then he called and I knew something was wrong. Mike went down to pick him up and learned, on the ride home, how some kid picked a fight with him and had him down on the ground and was about to punch him in the face before Ian's much larger friend, Caleb, pushed him off.

This is the so-called social experience that homeschoolers miss when they don't attend public schools.

The pushing, the shoving, the cussing, all of that that for the most part, teachers "miss" or say that it's all part of the school experience and they might as well learn how to deal with it now.

Why do they have to learn to deal with it?

My response to this is that Ian should have kicked the kid in the nuts and ran as fast as he could.

My second response, since I'm familiar with the kid, is to feel sorry for  "J." I know his dad is currently in jail, his mom is long gone, he lives with various families or an uncle when he can. I know how and where "J" is going to be a few years from now, so I have a great deal of empathy for him. But I still want Ian to kick him in the nuts and then run.

I don't recall the kind of bullying that seems to be a theme in our schools when I was that age. I don't remember conferences and books on bullying, not even when I was a high school teacher. I don't remember fist-fights among the males and I never, ever heard of girls fighting (well, besides my sister and I). I wonder if our kids today are mimicking what they see on TV, or that's how their parents act or they don't have positive role models or...what?

I would like to keep Ian sheltered from all of this. I would like for Ian to never experience fear or insecurity or unhappiness. I would like for Ian to always have plenty of great friends.

Ian is at the Skate park right now, which is a fairly safe place in that it's right next to the police station and the library. Kids wander back and forth between the library and you can often see various members of our small police force hanging out there, parking their cars, talking with the kids and being visible. That's not to say everything is perfect there, but being in  a small town, I know (and so does Ian) the "bad kids." I can count them on my hand and I know about their families and yes, I know where they'll be (but for the grace of God) in a few years.

But that doesn't mean I didn't cry Friday night after we finally got Ian settled in and talked to and off to sleep.

I was angry that Ian had to see that. I was mad at "J" for making me have to confront this all-too-common problem.

How do we teach our kids to have empathy when they are faced with ugliness?
How do we teach our kids to not hate someone who is hateful to them?
How do we teach our kids to be kind when most people are not?
How do we teach our kids to not be fearful when so many things are frightening?